swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
