Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
