You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize