i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
