When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
