She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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