They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
