just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my being single is dangerous.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
