Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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