hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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