I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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