remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
