hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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