ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
