Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He shit in the fireplace
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