I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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