i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
