I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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