They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize