I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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