just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
