dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
