I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
