It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
