Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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