im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
