i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
