God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
