It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
