I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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