Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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