We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
