Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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