hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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