I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
