My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
