my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
