I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
