good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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