I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
