Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
