i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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