the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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