you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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