drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i out mim tonsoeep
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