Little spoons don't ask big questions
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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