i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
