So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
