"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
