I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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