my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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