It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
