I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
