I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
