ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
