Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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