I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
