So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
