You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
a search helicopter?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
