dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize