I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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