I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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