Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
