no, he came in my armpit
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
