just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
