you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
