i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
