you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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