Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
