whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
