Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
