Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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