i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
