I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
