I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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