spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
