Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
