I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
