i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
