btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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