First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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