i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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