wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
