is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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