glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
