sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
